The Darnedest Things

I have nothing of interest to offer you from my own thoughts, but my kids have been saying pretty funny stuff lately so, even though it’s lazy and possibly lame, I’m plagiarising it wholesale.

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Luka (7): Astrid won’t kiss me!
Astrid (3): Your kisses are too wet!
Luka: I will kiss you dry as a wilted leaf!

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Small obnoxious girl: I’m Emmelina Ballerina
Astrid: I’m Astrid the Viking

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Astrid (after playing with a dead moth for 3 hours): Mummeeee! I brokeded my moth!

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Luka (to the spider in the web above our car): I’m watching you, with your black coat and your eight legs and your many many eyes.

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And my favourite:

Luka (bursting into the bathroom while I’m in the shower): Excuse me, but it’s an emergency. My new invention needs much more toilet paper.

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Go on, share yours.

14 responses to “The Darnedest Things

  1. Ha! Classics. Such creative minds. My daughter is 16 going on 22, so she doesn’t do ‘cute’ anymore. You always love your children, no matter what comes out of their mouths. Love the ‘wilted leaf’ comment by Luka. Most descriptive! Lol. Joanna :))

  2. Astrid the Viking! Pure gold!

    Here’s mine (curtesy of 6-year old me)
    Aimée to parents: You have to buy a computer so I can show you how to use it.

  3. Parents can be just as unintentionally amusing.

    Me (around the time of the Falklands War): Mum, where’s Port Stanley?

    Mum: In America with the rest of KISS, dear.

    Ten out of ten for engaging with my interests, but minus several million for answering the question! I’m sorry to say things haven’t improved much…

  4. My children have weird manners.

    Me: “Clancy, could you please unpack the dishwasher?’
    Clancy: ‘No.’
    Me: ‘I beg your pardon!’
    Clancy: “Sorry… No thanks, Mummy.”

  5. I love these.
    When I was little, my favourite book to check out of the school library was Art Linkletter’s “Kids say …” book.

    Here’s one I overheard in Bulimba once:
    kid: But I loved him.
    g’ma: Yes.
    kid: I did. I really really loved him.
    g’ma: Yes. I know you did.
    kid: I did! I loved him.
    g’ma: (to kid) Yes, but he was a potato. (to me)*rolls eyes*

    this is not a cute conversation, but as a teacher I heard and had many odd ones.
    student: Ms C, my dad asked me to ask you if there are rings around Uranus.
    me: Tell your father that there are rings around Uranus and that it’s a gassy ball.

    That was also the little girl who explained to the class that her mum left her dad for her boss but got bored and came back. Teachers should tweet.

  6. Oldest son (at 8) trying his best to get his younger brother in trouble: Mum – Andy’s rubbing the soap on his willy!
    Me : That’s what you’re supposed to do son, it’s called washing!

  7. My kids used to have some great … not spoonerisms, but something akin to it: hopgrasser and washfacer were two of their favourites.

  8. Ha! Just saw this, Kim. Pure gold. Thanks for putting a smile on my face. Luka’s obviously an artist and Astrid’s going to kick butt.

  9. Laughing out loud!

    When I taught WWII to a bunch of Gr9 kids this happened:

    “Miss, do coconuts grow on palm trees?”
    (two boys leap to answer with scorning varieties of ‘No’)
    (I decide to take pity)
    “There is a range of types of palm trees. The coconut palm is one of them.”
    (two boys split hairs over whether one was right to say they grew on ‘coconut trees’ or not)
    …time passes…
    “Miss, do you like palm trees?”
    “Why?”
    “I like palm trees…”
    (I think: What has this got to do with Gallipoli?)
    “…I want to be a palm tree,” admits the student.
    Random Boy: “I want to be a coconut!”
    (I think he said something later about wanting to drop on top of people)

  10. Eldest son at age 4 after seeing me squash a mosquito on my arm:
    Mummy, why did you kill that mosquito?
    Me: Because it was full of blood.
    After moments of rumination he asks, with tears in his eyes: But Mummy, I’m full of blood, you won’t kill me, will you?

    I hadn’t thought about that for years – great post!

    Jen B

  11. What funny, lovely kids you have! I love the comment about the spider in his black coat with the many, many eyes!

    I have a few gems, too:

    I was playing thumb wars years ago with my cousins and some of their friends. One of them was a little girl who was totally thrown when a Christmas beetle flew past us.
    “What was that?” she asked me, bewildered.
    “That was a Christmas beetle.”
    With a look of confusion she turned to her dad. “What’s Christmas beetle do?”
    The dad winked at me and said to her “Christmas beetles fly around as Santa’s helpers. They find out who’s being good and who’s being naughty and then fly back and tell him.”
    All I could do was laugh when the girl screeched, without hesitation, “Quick, Dad, kill it!”

    Another time, I was walking with my 7 or 8 year old cousin and one of his friends. We walked past those flowers / weeds that your blow on and ‘make a wish’ as the seeds fly away. I picked one for each of us and told the boys to make a wish. My cousin’s friend looked at me with a sad face, just holding the flower so
    I asked him what was wrong.
    He put the flower back on the ground and said to me,
    “My mum said I can’t have any new toys.”!

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